Mina Hamilton from Sucks to Be Me

So…okay, you know how it is when you’re at school, in the middle of some English test about some book that you may or may not have read (though mostly I did read them, I’m not saying I’m a total slacker or anything…except for The Great Gatsby. I don’t know why, I just couldn’t get into that book at all, but luckily Ms. Tweeter only gave us like a basic pop quiz on that one so I didn’t totally blow my g.p.a or anything.) and you’re basically like twiddling your thumbs and writing down nonsense because you can’t think of anything to say. Well, that’s me. That’s now.

But I guess I should start over. So, you know, hello, nice to meet you and all of that good stuff. I’m Mina Hamilton. You might have read about me in this book called Sucks to Be Me (which it did. Suck, that is. Not the book. My life. The being me part.) It’s okay if you haven’t read it, because honestly, it’s totally embarrassing. Because a) I can be a total dork sometimes (okay, a lot of the time), and b) even though my parents love me, they make me insane (not to mention being bloodsucking vampire freaks and all) and c) it has all this stuff in it that I went through last year, including all the ridiculous bits like where I…well, you know what? Let’s not go there. It’s bad enough it’s out there in print anyway. You wanna know that bad, you go and find it. Just don’t go spreading it around or anything.

Anyway. So this girl, who’s real nice and all and even has read the book but for some reason doesn’t think my life sucks (Ha, she doesn’t have to live it) is having a blogoversary and she invited me over to say a few words about a “topic of my choosing.” That’s the part I’m stuck on. There’s like a billion things I could talk about. Probably more like a gazillion, really. Everybody else is probably going to talk about the big things, you know, like world peace or saving the world one recycled can at a time, or (boring) why Moby Dick is such an awesome (NOT) book. And they say you should write what you know, right?

What do I know about?

Nothing. I mean, really. I’m not an expert at anything other than maybe Quentin Tarantino movies and if you’re cool like that, you already know it and if you aren’t into his stuff, then you’re not going to get it anyway. I suck at shoe-buying and hair-do-ing and picking out the perfect shade of lipstick. And I’m new to the vampire thing, really, so about the only thing I can tell you is that the drinking blood part? It’s still kinda gross, but you gotta do it, so…

Oh—I know. Everyone keeps asking me the same couple of questions. Well, here go the answers. Like officially, so you can all stop asking me (not that I minded or anything, I’m just saying). Though maybe if you haven’t read the book and you actually want to you should skip these. You know, leave some mystery in your life.

Do vampires sparkle?

Um, yeah, if we covered ourselves in glue and rolled in glitter. I mean, come on! Talk about an easy target for pitchfork-wielding mobs. Not that I’m saying that book is bad or anything (I’m sure you know which one I mean). I haven’t read it. You know, living it…don’t need to read it…

Are vampires real?

Uh, duh. Haven’t you been paying attention?

How can I (that is, you) become a vampire?

Don’t ask me. According to The Council, we’re never supposed to tell anyone that vampires are real (um, hey, ignore the Q&A above, okay? I never said that, if you know what I mean.). So how people wind up in the stupid “vampire informational sessions” I don’t know. Besides, why would you want to be one?

Are werewolves and zombies real?

I haven’t personally met any, but hey, Michael Jackson’s nose apparently really exists (kind of), so I suppose anything is possible.

Where do you live?

I used to live in California. Now…well, I can’t say. It’s like a witness protection type of thing. Except I haven’t witnessed anything other than a bunch of lame suckiness. And I’m not protected from anything other than my old life. Which, in a lot of ways, doesn’t suck nearly so bad at all from my new vantage point. I guess what they say about hindsight is true. Kind of.

What’s your middle name?

Why anyone wants to know this, I don’t know. But it’s Marie. Which is kind of dorky, but hey, blame my Dad.

Is Harriet Melman really an author? Where can I get her books?

Um, at a bookstore? Though George told me recently she’s started using a pen name. I’ll have to ask him what it is. I don’t know, since I’m not into those kind of books. And the last question I get asked all the time…

How do you like being a vampire?

Ehhh, you know. It’s kind of an up and down kind of thing. There are good things and bad things about it. Some of the things I thought would be good things aren’t really so good (like the not sleeping part). Like I said before, I’m getting used to the blood thing, but I don’t think I’ll ever like it. Mom says it’s a mental thing, but I mean, hey, it’s blood.

So, I guess that’s it. Hopefully I wasn’t supposed to actually talk about world peace. Though why anyone would want to listen to a teenage vampire go on about saving the world is beyond me. What do I know about that?

~~~

I am so looking forward to seeing Mina again in Still Sucks to Be Me in 2010! Sucks to Be Me's paperback version is coming out on August 11! Go get yourself a copy of it if you are afraid to dish your money for the hardback! Or win the hardback from Kimberly Pauley here!

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