Sean Lindgren from David Inside Out

David from David Inside Out by Lee Bantle falls for his teammate Sean. Even though they had intimate times together, Sean pushed him away at the end. Now you will know why.

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SEAN'S TURN

I saw a show on Oprah about men on the down-low. I didn’t know what that meant – to be on the down-low. Until the guys told their stories. It meant you’re married, but you have sex with men on the side.

This show gave me hope.

I know that’s kind of sad.

I’m not gay. There are certain things I don’t do and as long as I don’t do them, I’m safe. I don’t kiss. I don’t suck. I don’t fall in love. That’s the most important. If you fall in love with a guy, you’re totally a pole smoker.

I like having sex with guys – the feel of their skin, their muscles, their angular shape. I like their smell. I’m not ready to give that up.

But I’m getting married. Someday. I want to have kids. I want to be normal. Maybe that’s not being honest with – whoever she turns out to be. My wife. I worry about that. I do. I wish it could be different.

I could become a priest. But most priests are gay. Aren’t they?

I miss David. A lot. I liked our talks, seeing him get all shy when I was around, having him do me. He really liked me. Not everyone does. I appreciated that.

In the end, he cut me loose. If only he hadn’t wanted so much from me. I never promised him whatever it was he was looking for.

I’m not mean. I didn’t like hurting him.

Except when he was annoying. Then I kinda liked it.

In the end, it’s simple. He wanted a boyfriend. That doesn’t work for me. I wish I could do that. I see how it could be nice with someone like him. But I can’t. I can’t be gay. Not now anyway.

Oh, god, I can’t believe I just wrote that. Suggesting that someday. In the future . . . .

I don’t want to look into that. I really, really don’t.

I’ve got a good thing going. And now I know it’s name. Being on the down-low. It’s like having your cake and eating it two. That might not work for you. But maybe it works for me. I do love cake.

And really, who is to say, anyway?

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This was my first novel read through a homosexual person's perspective. It gave me a lot more insight on what it would be like to be in love with the same gender as your own. You can win one of two copies of this coming-og-age novel by entering below!

Prize(s): Two signed copies of David Inside Out
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Eligibility: US/Canada

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